Politics and Schools : will fear or fascination win?

To my son,

Next year marks a major milestone in your little life – you start school!  I am so excited for you as I know how ready your amazing mind is to absorb all the wonder of our world.  You will be exploring countries, learning Mandarin, kicking like Elliott and playing the recorder like…what adult on earth plays the recorder?!  Anyways, the point is, your life and understanding is about to grow exponentially.    And it is in this breadth of information that I find myself drowning…

You have already thrown me a few curveball questions that despite my education and genuine desire to be as free as possible from bias, I find myself answering ineffectively:

“Mummy, do days stop?”

“Mummy, is Heaven real life?”

“Mummy, are men with towels on their heads baddies?”

You don’t know yet what racism is, you are yet to see the atrocious lengths some people will go to in order to secure power, money, land or fame, you are yet to experience your sister being paid less than you for doing the same job.  You “read” the paper for the footy results but I see your eyes scan other pages and a frown settle on your face – what does that little mind think when it sees images of bloodies bodies, AK-47s and smiling assassins?

You ask a question and (generally!) accept my answer.  And so it is upon me to try to articulate to a 5 year-old the complexities of our current political landscape…. 

I don’t want you to grow up with hate in your bones or prejudices in your mind.   But I also don’t want you to be unnecessarily hurt from your own naivety.   Most people are good – the vast majority of people are good but, quite simply, some are not.  There will be some people who want to hurt you, some people who want to rule you, some people who want to use you and some people who derive their own worth by putting you down.  You cannot tell who these people will be by their religion, their bank balance or their beauty.  That is as true on a school playground as it is in world politics.   Adults play the same games as children do but are unfortunately armed.

I cannot shield you from all of this (P.S. Dad – that’s why Mum gets teary when we talk about school!), for to do so would mean a hermit life ….   So instead, be aware that hatred and cruelty are out there but they live in minute, squalid pockets.  Trust your instincts when it comes to removing yourself from a dangerous situation.   Judgments are your body’s defense mechanism.  But judge people on how they treat you not on the colour of their skin, nor their nationality, nor their gender. 

Start your thoughts with kindness, knowing most people will reciprocate.  Share your ideas generously and listen to the ideas of others, knowing that you are seeking the best outcome not your outcome.   

Most of all, step in to the world knowing that I love you as much as the whole wide world plus infinity!

Mum xox

Inside my nightmare - surgery versus flying

I survived another surgery yesterday and statistics show this is quite the norm.

The rather cold operating theater was abuzz with my surgeon, the anesthetist, assisting doctors and nurses.  The melody of their conversation was calming but then I looked at that awful trolley loaded with various size "knives" and I felt a little apprehensive...

Oh well I told myself - it's still better than Wednesday!  What happened on Wednesday I hear you say?  I had to fly from Melbourne to Sydney return.  This flight is just over an hour - a hop, skip and a jump.  It is one of the busiest (9th busiest route in the world which is quite extraordinary given our little population!) and safest flight paths in the world.  The 'normal' passenger gets on the plane, has a quick nap, a light snack and is back on the ground again - easy!

Not for me....I've never liked flying (although I've always liked travelling?!) but since having Cancer I am living proof that fears can be quite irrational (and all consuming).  The minute that plane takes off every muscle in my body tenses, I start to sweat and talk frantically to the poor souls seated around me.  I try desperately to focus on that thud when the wheels hit the ground safely again.

Some people say it's about control (or lack thereof) but I sure as hell don't want to be flying the thing! I love other people driving and I don't batter an eyelid when I step on a train.  So I think "control" is an oversimplification.  I think, for me, it's the finality - no amount of airbags can save an airbus.  I didn't fight cancer to go down in a plane.

I have no idea how I'm going to get to Hawaii for my birthday next year - a whole lot of Xanax and a beautiful family who I don't want to let down...

Can someone please invent a commercial rocket submarine by next December - please xox

He didn't even get 18 weeks to live...

I've had a bit of fun with my posts of late but some awful news on the weekend abruptly reminded me of why I started this blog.  In early September I wrote about my Dad's bestie from High School - Mr TJ (18 months to live - what would you do?) who was diagnosed with Grade 4 skin cancer and given 18 months to live. He didn't even get 18 weeks....

I'm in shock that this big, burly Aussie bloke has been taken already.  His height and stature gave me the false impression that he was indestructible.  

He was my Santa Clause personified - he had a huge, jolly laugh, he was honest and brave.  He was kind and just a little bit cheeky.  He had an affinity with the land and the sea - enjoying solo camping trips and dedicating his life to patrolling and protecting our ocean.  

I didn't have the opportunity to share enough of my life with him but those painfully real and open conversations I shared with him in September will stay with me forever.  I know that sounds cliche but I also know that there are very few conversations deeper than your own mortality.  TJ shared his experience openly and with a courageous humour that only an Aussie larrikin can muster.   

I can only imagine how sad and angry his family must be.  I extended every drop of compassion to them and, whilst I want to somehow make it better I'm not going to write some bullsh!t about being grateful for the time they had.  People experience such an intense discomfort when someone shows grief so we try to 'wash it away' by saying things like "be grateful for the time you had", "isn't it great he lived a full life".  And whilst that's all technically true, it's still deeply painful and unfair that he's gone.  

The only small consolation I have is that I wrote my blog for him in time for him to read it and he sent me the most heart warming texts in the subsequent days.  Wrap those you love in the biggest hug and tell them daily why they're special... xoxo

Back to Your Future - a message from Marty on 2045

Unless you've been marooned on some faraway, completely isolated island you would know that we have finally arrived in.....the future! 

On the 21st October 2015 Marty McFly and Doc Emmett Brown arrived from the past in their DeLorean (I seem to be developing quite a connection to the Back to the Future series with all my Emmett Brown references!).  In the 80's twenty-fifteen seemed so very far away...and the writers must have thought they were revolutionary in their predictions.

Whilst the flying cars and re-hydrating pizzas have not been produced (at least to my knowledge) they were pretty accurate with the flat widescreen TVs, tablets and video chat. 

It got me thinking...what do we think 2045 will look like?  Don't think about monetary or technological constraints, just think about the most awesome and life altering invention you can think of.  And imagine what you will be doing in 2045?!

I know a 30 year plan is rather unrealistic (especially considering I've never done a 5 year plan!) but dreaming big seems to be something that is squashed out of us as we grow up. 
Imagine the fun and crazy conversations that would ensue if you asked a room full of children what 2045 would look like....but adults put caveats and disclaimers on their dreams or worse still don't have them.   After all our goals must be S.M.A.R.T (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely).  Well - why don't you just line up innovation alongside creativity and shoot them both!

So - I'll set a challenge for you all.  Write down a dream, put a time stamp on it and now it's in the digital memory bank we'll have a chance to go back and see how hilariously inaccurate or unnervingly accurate we were...

My 2045: people will fly (no need for flying cars McFly), spinach will taste like chocolate, trees will dominate our landscape with houses surreptitiously incorporated, I'll be alive and well celebrating (on the Whitsunday Island I somehow acquire) the birth of my 5th grandchild and my job will be buying people gifts and exploring the world!

Death of Kardashianism

We seem to live in a world controlled by the fear of anonymity.  More people than ever are striving to get their noggins on YouTube!  It doesn’t seem to matter if you have any particular talents or attributes – just get your face on YouTube, increase your Twitter followers and post pictures of your over-manufactured derriere on Instagram (or is it Snapchat or Pinterest?). 

So, besides sounding like a dinosaur that has no idea of the current ‘it’ digi channel, my point is I’m really fearful of the current reverence given to the likes of the Kardashians.  I understand and respect the worshiping of sporting heroes and movie stars.  After all they actually possess a talent and in many cases display an incredible level of skill.  But what are the Kardashians actually good at?  And are they so good at something that they deserve the ridiculous amount of money they earn?  Can they sing, dance, act, play tennis, football or run, can they drive social change, public policy or inspire women to get an education?

It’s not that I hate the Kardashians, I simply don’t get the fascination!  I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking the epitome of success is the latest Dolce & Gabbana handbag.  I don’t want her to think she needs a nose job, a bum implant and some over exposed cleavage to be heard (yes heard [not seen]).  I want her to admire someone intelligent, brave, kind, skilled, entertaining, humble or selfless – there are so many attributes I can think of that are admirable but not one of them fits the Kardashians.....

Fighting for principles of respect, understanding and less lamb chops

I got a flyer in our mail today for the Animal Justice Party.  There's a beautiful photo on the front of a lamb and an adorable, inquisitive kitten on the back.  Awww.  Baby animals = Marketing 101, so I read on...

"The Animal Justice Party (AJP) has been established to provide a political platform for policies and practices that promote respect, kindness, compassion and understanding towards animals".  

Sounds perfect to me - as long as PEOPLE are part of their definition of animals.  Imagine it - a world where people respect differences, lead with compassion and strive to understand...I reckon animals of all breeds would do well!

Don't get me wrong, I entirely agree we should be respecting animals I just wonder if our compassion is a little warped when we'll help a cat but walk straight past a young girl living on the streets?   It's that uncomfortable feeling I get when I read Johnny Depp has spent $320,000 flying his pet dogs home via private jet.  I'm sorry but WTF Mr Depp!  But is it really Mr Depp's issue - we live in a world where that's OK.  We can feed and educate a child for $2 a day...how many kids did that private jet fee equate to??

It all comes back to balance - my favourite but seemingly unattainable goal.  There is no place in our world for animal cruelty, animal testing and in theory I love the idea of Veganism (don't seem to be able to execute that one).   But  I'm sure I've never heard of a kind, compassionate person mistreating an animal - seems like an oxymoron to me.

KFC and gastro

On Thursday night my 2 year old daughter started throwing up about 4.30pm and continued to do so every half an hour.  By 7pm the poor little soul was exhausted and miserable and Mum couldn't take any more...so off to the hospital we went (I should mention, as I've noticed a few Americans have joined, that this service is free in Australia).

The staff were really kind, telling us there were several cases of gastro going around.  We were put in the "handle with gloves" bays and my daughter soon relaxed after some anti-nausea medication. I was super impressed with their non judgmental approach.  I was never made to feel like an "over reacting" Mum.   I was musing on this, when I overheard a doctor tell the family in the bay nextdoor to monitor their daughter's diet.

"No probs" said the Dad casually
The doctor went on to recommend "no dairy, lots of veggies and plenty of fluids....avoid soft drink" there was an almost pleading tone to the doctor's voice.

Soft drink!  Who on earth would give their child a can of Coke straight after a fit of Gastro?!  And it only got worse - when I walked past to leave I saw the child (maybe 6 or 7 years old) eating a big box of KFC.  When I saw this, all judgments left me and I was overwhelmed by a genuine sadness - where are our health and education systems failing that some people have so little nutritional understanding?  Or perhaps what is even more frustrating is that we've built a food supply chain that can sell a box of fat-covered chemicals at a much cheaper price than fresh food...

Now I'm no Saint - who doesn't enjoy a McDonald's chocolate sundae (sauce on the bottom and top thanks) every now and again.  And perhaps, just maybe, that is the only food option these parents had available to them.....?