Thursday 28 May 2015

Hat #2 - Rainbow Princess

Funky Friday: Hat #2 - Rainbow Princess (made by my very clever Nan)

Friday 22 May 2015

Thursday 21 May 2015

What's chemo like?

Yesterday I was asked "what is chemo like?"....

My brain knows that it is a series of well researched drugs that attack fast growing cells. More scientifically put, chemotherapy drugs are "cytotoxics" which means poisonous (toxic) to cells (cyto), in particular they attack rapidly dividing cells (such as your hair, stomach lining, mouth-cells and cancer).

But my heart and frequently over zealous imagination see it as an X-files style black poison forced into my bloodstream to eat me from the inside out...I told you my imagination gets the better of me!! Supposedly chemo can also make you have some rather crazy dreams and it would seem I've extended this to my waking hours. My posts could get a bit boring post-chemo!

Anyways, the point is I have historically tried not to take a lot of medications. Not to say I won't take a Nurofen when needed but usually I find a heat-pack and a nanna nap do the trick. Now that I have been diagnosed with the dreaded C-bomb (keep it clean peeps) my outlook has somewhat changed. "Bring it on!" I say. If chemo reduces my chances of my cancer coming back from 20% to 10% then I authorise Scully and Mulder full access (one step too far with that?).

As to the actual treatment - chemo is all together surreal. The most painful part is inserting the IV. From there, a series of bags are hung upside down and slowly (over 3 hours) trickled in to my bloodstream. My arm gets cold and I get a little fidgety but other than that it's three hours of forced arse-sitting (an activity I'm not particularly good at unless I'm at work).

The side effects are more pronounced. Whilst they have the nausea fairly well managed these days, there is a heaviness I find difficult to describe. Perhaps the closest comparison is the lethargy you feel just before coming down with a flu. Every patient has other little "bonuses" - fried taste buds, mouth ulcers, red skin, ringing ears...the list is long and odd!

But a common side effect is the hair loss. I really thought I'd be OK with this. It felt like a small sacrifice to make to extend my life. But I'm not as confident as I'd hoped. It's such a glaringly obvious advertisement that I'm "sick". And so, like most, I hide the bald eagle. This part has actually been fun - I've had some beautiful gifts from friends and family and invested in some awesome berets, scarves and beanies. Thought I might start 'funky Friday' where I'll post a Twitter picture of the latest hat - check out @imtoobusyto (check me out being tech savvy - thanks Jonno ;)

Wednesday 20 May 2015

Dr Emmett Brown and Integrated Medicine

Introducing my Integrated Medicine (IM) Doctor, who I'll call Dr IM...

I walk into Dr IM's rooms in a trendy but not pretentious suburb. She wears a pale blue suit - tailored, slightly shiny. It's cleverly non-committal. The cut ensures professionalism, the colour is calming. She doesn't look like a doctor but she doesn't look like a taro card reader either. Mind you, if you take away the scrubs, what does a doctor look like?! She is short, shorter than me - OK, makybe I like her ;) She wears glasses that slide down her pointy nose when needed.

And then I see the hair. Anyone remember Dr Emmett Brown from Back To The Future? Imagine him, without the receding hairline, trying to brush down that mane. Just as I finished my visual assessment Dr IM asks "Why are you here?" A little taken aback I tell her about my diagnosis of Breast Cancer and my desire to find a solution that tackles it from all angels. There's an awkward silence as she scribbles some notes. I look at my husband and we both raise our eyebrows inquisitively.

Randomly back on board Dr IM starts the interrogation:
* What do you eat?
* Do you know cancer loves sugar?
* How much water do you drink?
* How much exercise do you do?
* Do you get out in the sun?
* What time do you go to bed?
* Do you sleep through?
* Do you know what meditation is?
* Are you a stressed person?
* Do you know what a saliva test is?

As I try to answer each question she interrupts me - in fact she interrupts herself regularly as well. Her staccato style conversation has both my husband and I hiding our smiles. At some points she gets so excited she runs over to an 8ft book shelf. On the shelves are hundreds of handouts and photocopies. She snaps up certain papers, clicks her tongue in disapproval, keeps burrowing then triumphantly throws some handouts in my lap.

At the end of our hour together I'm exhausted and Dr IM is chatting away happily about how she eats fish and a cup of seasonal vegetables for dinner EVERY night. "Don't you get bored?!" I ask. "It's just food" she says and there in lies one (of a few) fundamental differences I sense we have.

I leave her office with a new diet, a new meditation schedule, a new supplements program (8 in total [though I never actually bought them but that's a discussion for another post...]) and a new headache! I'll post these new regimes next.

Surprisingly I also leave with a new resolve to realistically challenge each aspect of my life - to make sure I'm filling the right buckets! I'm more and more convinced that busy is not happy, in fact busy is just the new black and it's helping no-one, particularly not me.

Sunday 10 May 2015

Meditation - attempt number one!

Although mindfulness has recently found its way into Western trends it is, of course, an ancient practice for many Eastern philosophies. So with thousands of years of endorsement (and because my Integrated Medicine Dr told me to) I thought I'd give it a crack...

The book I'm attempting to read at the moment tells me to perform a 'simple' body scan as an introductory exercise in being present. The steps go something like this:
1. Find a comfortable position
2. Feel your breath as it moves in and out of your body
3. Sense the natural rise & fall (place your hands on your abdomen if it helps)
4. Direct your awareness to your feet - notice temperature, feel the contact between your toes, explore sensations
5. Extend the awareness through your ankles, lower legs etc etc
6. Notice what is present, remember the breathing and come back to it if your mind wanders
7. Stay with this awareness of your whole body for as long as you want to

How did my first attempt go? Something like this:
The children are in bed and hubby's downstairs watching the footy. I sit cross legged on our bedroom floor. The room is nice and warm and I have a lovely full belly from our first Paleo dinner (but that's another story!).

I take a deep breath in and feel the air fill my hungry lungs. As I exhale I notice the heat of my breath and holy cr@p did I leave the oven on? I quickly rush downstairs and see the oven is safely off.

Back in position. Breath is strong and clear. I shift my attention to the soles of my feet and wriggle my toes. They feel warm and content in my fluffy winter socks. As I stretch my calves and release the tension in my knees I try desperately to ignore a strange rustling sound.

OK, back to the knees. I flap my crossed legs up and down and smile as my butt grimaces at having to work. I move my concentration up to my back and feel a genuine release in tension. Hey, maybe this thing works! But damn that rustling. I'll just quickly check it out...

I soon find the culprit - my 4 1/2 year old son has got himself out of bed to do a poo.
"Hey Mum" he smiles "I woke myself up to go to the loo!" he says proudly
"Awesome buddy" what more can I say?
He whips the toilet paper out from behind him to examine it and in the process flicks poo down the wall and on the floor.
"Oops, not quite clean" he says sheepishly as another rain-forest gets cut down to wipe the remainder of his butt.
"Easy on the toilet paper mate. Can I help?"

We clean up and I tuck him in to bed. He's asleep before I leave the room - such innocence, such contentment

I sit down once more, cross my legs and put my hands gently on my knees - palms up.

I take a big breath in and...realise I have sh!t on my sleeve.


Friday 8 May 2015

A little rhino horn with your chemo?

I have recently been to see an 'Integrated Medicine' doctor (a medical doctor who also looks at the benefits of'alternative' therapies - diet, supplements, mindfulness etc). Now I know I'll loose a few of you straight away - in fact I read a scathing article by an American doctor recently which severely critisized the introduction of "such quackery" into the medical field. But for me, the concept of integration is intriguing and not just from a health perspective.

In my first post "About Me" I spoke about dichotomies...and how sad I think it is that we can't at least listen to opposing arguments. There is a perceived weakness in changing your position - but if you have more information, more examples is it not intelligent to at least modify your position? We've divided our world East/West, Rich/Poor, Science/Alternative Therapies, Muslim/Christian, Left-wing/Right-wing. Perhaps we've even structured ourselves to need those opposing sides - can we have rich without poor? Anyway, I've digressed...

For me, I'll be looking at everything to make me healthy (within the limits of decency - I won't be grinding the horn of a nearly extinct rhino!) and so, back on topic, the Integrated Doctor told me some life altering news "Cancer loves sugar". Is it a fete worse than chemo - a life without chocolate?! I know, I know I shouldn't make light of cancer but for those of you that know me (a twice a day chocoholic) this is a seriously large alternation.

After recovering from the first shock, I was then told:
1. drink two litres of water a day - that's 'do-able'
2. sleep eight hours each night - good luck with that given I have two little ones that have some secret pact to alternate their restless nights
3. have eight (yes EIGHT) different supplements - because I need to be putting more things in my body?!
4. meditate twice a day for 10 minutes...I'm sorry, could you repeat that last one. Meditate twice a day for 10 minutes. Do I look like a monk?

Wow - I have some homework to do. Anyone got some good sugar-free recipes? And any chance I could borrow half an hour to learn how to meditate!

Saturday 2 May 2015

Money, Money, Money

This should be the easiest section for me to write about. I am, after all, an Accountant by trade. No, STOP! Don't go! Please suspend your judgment. I have long since thrown out the dark pin-striped suits and tax-rebate fist pumps (homage to Irene) and found my way to greener pastures. Remarkably, I've found a job that combines my 'structured' background with an 'inspiring' sustainability focus but more on that later... Let's get back to some stats.

From what I've read lately Australia has a 40% marriage failure rate, 50 million Americans live below the poverty line and working mothers in Britain spend just 81 minutes each day looking after their children. And so, in this zombie-like pursuit of the beloved dollar/pound/yen/peso/yuan/rupee we're OK with our marriages failing, our neighbours starving, our parents working harder and rarely seeing our children?! Surely we've got our buckets muddled. One may be burgeoning but to what advantage?

Don't get me wrong I'm not about to give up my nice house to join a tree hugging nudist colony in Nimbin but Cancer has forced me to think about "what's next?". Do I really need a new car or an investment property? Perhaps I'll take my family to the Whitsundays instead - sail around pristine waters, stopping occasionally to admire the beautiful white sandy beaches or fill up my mojito. But, Sarah you say...a holiday still requires mullah. And right you are!

The unfortunate reality is everyone needs money and no doubt everyone needs "more money". Whilst I'm no Rupert Murdoch or Gina Rinehart I'm comfortable so, for what it's worth, here are my five tips to filling the bucket of prosperity....

1. Set goals
2. Do a budget
3. Swap, share, borrow, make
4. Find cheap stuff - wait for sales, ask for a discount, do your research
5. Find an expert - it's OK if this stuff is boring, leave it to the suits!